Of God-Fearing Witches & Pagans

Posted byClaudiaUlm-TheWhisperingWitchTHLeave a commenton Of God-Fearing Witches And PagansEditOf God-Fearing Witches And Pagans

Not your typical blog about Witchcraft

  • What The Hell Is A Witch And What Is a Pagan?
  • What Is The difference anyway?
  • Are Witches Pagans And Pagans Witches?
  • And If You Are A Witch, Are You Good Or Evil?
  • How Do I know You Will Not Turn Me Into A Toad If You Feel Like It?

            Questions Over Questions

Since Harry Potter came out, a new generation and big boom of newly self-discovered witches followed.

There are The Shamans, The Druids, The Wicca Witches, The Bling-Bling and Glam Witches, The Eclectic Witches, The Free-Flying Witches without a Coven, The Solitary Witches, The Grey Witches, The White and Black Witches, The Hekatean Witches, The Hoodoo and Voodoo Witches, The Hermetic Order Of The Golden Dawn –

Witches everywhere you look.

Wow, so much Magick everywhere, yet our world is still in Chaos. Hmmm…

The problem is, that many have not understood, that being a witch means more than doing some Hula Hula at their Magick table, that they found directions for in the internet.

Yeah, they really went all out, spent a fortune on magical supply, because that is a must.

 (I admit, I did too in the beginning before discovering that self-made items are much better, because they have your Energy in them)

After all we need an altar to impress. But ask them about how witchcraft came about, most newly self-discovered witches will not be able to answer.

Well??? Is Witchcraft a recognized religion?


The Origin Of Witches

Early witches were people who practiced witchcraft, using magic spells and calling upon spirits for help or to bring about change. Most witches were thought to be pagans doing the Devil’s work. Many, however, were simply natural healers or so-called “wise women” whose choice of profession was misunderstood.

It’s unclear exactly when witches came on the historical scene, but one of the earliest records of a witch is in the Bible in the book of 1 Samuel, thought be written between 931 B.C. and 721 B.C. It tells the story of when King Saul sought the Witch of Endor to summon the dead prophet Samuel’s spirit to help him defeat the Philistine army.

The witch roused Samuel, who then prophesied the death of Saul and his sons. The next day, according to the Bible, Saul’s sons died in battle, and Saul committed suicide.

Other Old Testament verses condemn witches, such as the oft-cited Exodus 22:18, which says, “thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.” Additional Biblical passages caution against divination, chanting or using witches to contact the dead.

‘Malleus Maleficarum’

Witch hysteria really took hold in Europe during the mid-1400s, when many accused witches confessed, often under torture, to a variety of wicked behaviors. Within a century, witch hunts were common and most of the accused were executed by burning at the stake or hanging. Single women, widows and other women on the margins of society were especially targeted.

Between the years 1500 and 1660, up to 80,000 suspected witches were put to death in Europe. Around 80 percent of them were women thought to be in cahoots with the Devil and filled with lust. Germany had the highest witchcraft execution rate, while Ireland had the lowest.

The publication of “Malleus Maleficarum”—written by two well-respected German Dominicans in 1486—likely spurred witch mania to go viral. The book, usually translated as “The Hammer of Witches,” was essentially a guide on how to identify, hunt and interrogate witches.

Malleus Maleficarum” labeled witchcraft as heresy, and quickly became the authority for Protestants and Catholics trying to flush out witches living among them. For more than 100 years, the book sold more copies of any other book in Europe except the Bible.

Salem Witch Trials

As witch hysteria decreased in Europe, it grew in the New World, which was reeling from wars between the French and British, a smallpox epidemic and the ongoing fear of attacks from neighboring native American tribes. The tense atmosphere was ripe for finding scapegoats. Probably the best-known witch trials took place in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692.

The Salem witch trials began when 9-year-old Elizabeth Parris and 11-year-old Abigail Williams began suffering from fits, body contortions and uncontrolled screaming (today, it is believed that they were poisoned by a fungus that caused spasms and delusions). As more young women began to exhibit symptoms, mass hysteria ensued, and three women were accused of witchcraft: Sarah Good, Sarah Osborn and Tituba, an enslaved woman owned by Parris’s father. Tituba confessed to being a witch and began accusing others of using black magic. On June 10, Bridget Bishop became the first accused witch to be put to death during the Salem Witch Trials when she was hanged at the Salem gallows. Ultimately, around 150 people were accused and 18 were put to death. Women weren’t the only victims of the Salem Witch Trials; six men were also convicted and executed.

Massachusetts wasn’t the first of the 13 colonies to obsess about witches, though. In Windsor, Connecticut in 1647, Alse Young was the first person in America executed for witchcraft. Before Connecticut’s final witch trial took place in 1697, forty-six people were accused of witchcraft in that state and 11 were put to death for the crime.

In Virginia, people were less frantic about witches. In fact, in Lower Norfolk County in 1655, a law was passed making it a crime to falsely accuse someone of witchcraft. Still, witchcraft was a concern. About two-dozen witch trials (mostly of women) took place in Virginia between 1626 and 1730. None of the accused were executed.

Are Witches Real?

One of the most famous witches in Virginia’s history is Grace Sherwood, whose neighbors alleged she killed their pigs and hexed their cotton. Other accusations followed and Sherwood was brought to trial in 1706.

The court decided to use a controversial water test to determine her guilt or innocence. Sherwood’s arms and legs were bound and she was thrown into a body of water. It was thought if she sank, she was innocent; if she floated, she was guilty. Sherwood didn’t sink and was convicted of being a witch. She wasn’t killed but put in prison and for eight years.

A satirical article (supposedly written by Benjamin Franklin) about a witch trial in New Jersey was published in 1730 in the Pennsylvania Gazette. It brought to light the ridiculousness of some witchcraft accusations. It wasn’t long before witch mania died down in the New World and laws were passed to help protect people from being wrongly accused and convicted.

Book of Shadows

Modern-day witches of the Western World still struggle to shake their historical stereotype. Most practice Wicca, an official religion in the United States and Canada.

Wiccans avoid evil and the appearance of evil at all costs. Their motto is to “harm none,” and they strive to live a peaceful, tolerant and balanced life in tune with nature and humanity.

Many modern-day witches still perform witchcraft, but there’s seldom anything sinister about it. Their spells and incantations are often derived from their Book of Shadows, a 20th-century collection of wisdom and witchcraft, and can be compared to the act of prayer in other religions. A modern-day witchcraft potion is more likely to be an herbal remedy for the flu instead of a hex to harm someone.

Today’s witchcraft spells are usually used to stop someone from doing evil or harming themselves. Ironically, while it’s probable some historical witches used witchcraft for evil purposes, many may have embraced it for healing or protection against the immorality they were accused of.

But witches—whether actual or accused—still face persecution and death. Several men and women suspected of using witchcraft have been beaten and killed in Papua New Guinea since 2010, including a young mother who was burned alive. Similar episodes of violence against people accused of being witches have occurred in Africa, South America, the Middle East and in immigrant communities in Europe and the United States.


About Wicca. The Celtic Connection.
Case Study: The European Witch Hunts, c. 1450-1750 and Witch Hunts Today. Gendercide Watch.
The Salem Witch TrialsOxford Research Encyclopedias.
Witchcraft: Creation of the “evil other.” Susan Moulton, Sonoma State University.
Witchcraft in Colonial Virginia. Encyclopedia of Virginia.
Witchcraft: The Beginnings. University of Chicago.
Witches and Witchcraft: The First Person Executed in the Colonies. State of Connecticut Judicial Branch Law Library Services.
Demonology: The Malleus Maleficarum—Proliferating Witch Hysteria. Mount Holyoke College.
The Persecution of Witches, 21st-Century Style. The New York Times.
Women and Witches: Patterns of Analysis. The University of Chicago Press.

Citation Information

Article Title: History of Witches                    
Author: History.com Editors
Website Name: HISTORY                                                    URL: https://www.history.com/topics/folklore/history-of-witches
Access DateAugust 16, 2020
PublisherA&E Television Networks
Last UpdatedFebruary 21, 2020

Original Published DateSeptember 12, 2017By: HISTORY.COM EDITORS.

This is just to shed a little light on the History of Witches for you.

Now Back To Us God-Fearing Witches & Pagans

There are many of us around the globe – a whole network to be correct. Everyone thinks, that has no clue of witchcraft, that we are these EVIL, SATAN-Worshipping beings, that ride around the full moon night sky on our brooms (besoms), accompanied by Dracula himself and his best friends in form of bats.

I was a school teacher working at a Thai school with an American supervisor when I came out of the broom-closet, but ended up getting fired for it.

I asked her if she thinks I am going to come flying in on my besom now, and she really got upset.

The best part was, since she always tried to play games to get me fired because of paranoia of me trying to take her job (which I wouldn’t have wanted in a million years), she was seriously scared to death of me.

Hmmm…maybe I should’ve turned her into that director’s butt-crawling worm that she was or a toad…lol.

Most witches I know, have religiously done their homework, still believe in the Trinity of Almighty Father, Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost, but also in the Trinity of Mother, Maiden ,Crone and the Horned God.

They do their daily Praising and Thank You Rituals, (and I do too, but not daily)       while I am still diving my way through all the books I have in PDF format. Before you know which path is right for you, you should do all the reading and research you can and then decide, or take from everything you learn and pick out what works for you.

I hear newly self-discovered witches talk about curses, they will put on the guy next door, love rituals to make that desired man fall in love, and – and- and.

THAT is NOT what being a witch is about.

Of Lightworkers And Shadow And Death-Walkers

I belong to many different forums in different spiritual directions and read a lot about   ”I am a Light-worker (which in plain English means, I play with fairies and angels and the world is nothing but a sugar cotton field), because they got it wrong.

A Light-worker is always cheery, bubbly and the typical Mary Poppins Character, while those who have studied serious witchcraft for quite some time, have come across, that indeed they are Shadow and Death-walkers.

Now why would that be? Are they EVIL or WORSHIP SATAN?

The answer is no. You will find all of us among Teachers, Social and Streetworkers, Animal Rescuers and any of us dwelling in the dark corners looking for souls to rescue. It is our duty and calling to help those, who got lost in the shadows to help them find their way back into the light.

Depression, Suicidal thoughts proning people with very heavy and deep emotional problems etc., are the target for the Shadow and Death-walkers.

That means, we are constantly surrounded by negativity and have to fight ourselves at times to stay positive to do what we are destined to do.

Some of us occasionally get lost in depression ourselves, being surrounded by it constantly. It sure as hell happened to me and luckily I recognized the symptoms and started to immediately raise my vibrations.

There is a lot of beauty in this world, even in the times of COVID 19, but now there is also even more misery that needs a helping hand.

It makes me happy to see, that I have many, many sisters and brothers, who think and feel like I do – some with a lot of knowledge, some just starting out following their calling.


Do Spells Work?

The answer is, yes, they do work, if done correctly. If witchcraft was about doing a little Hula at your altar to win that Million Dollar jackpot in the lottery, you got it wrong. If that would work, we all would be filthy stinking rich. That is NOT what witchcraft is about.

We have to work harder at things it seems because we have to earn them. While the Christians pray to God to solve their problems (and I have mentioned this before), we pray and ask for the strength and wisdom we need to solve our own problems.

We are also constantly tested for our beliefs and personal convictions and have to defend ourselves constantly to those called GOD-FEARING Christians. While some of the Christians have come to term with that we are not coming to church, but perform our on mass at our own altars and really are not doing anything different there than the priest does in church, it satisfies me immensely to see, that they are starting to look at us in a more acceptable way and different light, because they have realized that we are NOT EVIL.

Hell, I do not even believe in the Devil, but I do believe in dark spirits, as I have had my share of experiences with them.

But all negatives can be turned around into positives, if you find that lesson to learn in your experience, turn it around and use it for something helpful like preventing the same to someone else happening. You CAN, because you went already through this and know what to do. Now THERE is one of your callings.

Is there Black and White Magic?

The answer is no, there isn’t. There is only Magick, and it is the intend that you use a spell for, that makes it good or bad.

Before getting into serious spell-work, make sure, you know all about CASTING A CIRCLE, CENTERING AND GROUNDING and your CHAKRAS, as well as your THIRD EYE. MEDITATION before any Ritual also can be very helpful.

These are all factors that are very important to your magical work. Be the best witch you can be, but also always remember, if you cannot take the heat, do not get near the fire. That means, if you have any ill-intended spell or negative Magick you are performing, make sure that you are prepared to take what is coming at you like a boomerang, because we, as witches always pay a price for what we do.

If your spells are meant for negative, be prepared for what might hit you back like a ton of bricks, and that is sometimes 10-fold.

The same goes for the positive. The rewards for doing that kind of work are awesome and beautiful and you will always prosper in your work.

Remember the saying:


And your rewards will be great if you sow the right thing !!!!!

Have a witchy and magickal day, Dear Sisters and Brothers and if you liked this blog, please leave a comment.



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Published by ClaudiaUlm-TheWhisperingWitchTH 

I am a singer/songwriter, teacher, musician and author who enjoys life and all of its mishaps. Some topics are so funny and worth sharing, but I write about serious stuff also, as well as spiritual beliefs, since I follow the path of Wicca myself. Have a great time reading and let me brighten your day a little. Brightest Blessings to you – Namaste + )0( + View more posts

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The Becoming Of A Witch

Of Witches, Glam and Bling Bling Magick

So you have decided to become a witch! You bought some black Gothic clothing, the jewelry to go along with it, and are proudly sporting your new pentagram around your neck. You are now ready to announce to the world, that you are ready to play Harry Potter!

Let’s take this back a step: You are a good girl/boy from a great background and have been raised Christian or straight Catholic. You have looked at the f..cked up world of yours that you live in and decided it is not for you!!!

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Now let me get this straight: You have seen all of the Harry Potter Movies and are an excited and enthused fan of Charmed, you even watched Samantha do her cute nose wrinkle and think you can turn people into toads now by the snap of your finger, just as soon you read that little spell book you bought!

Oh, you feel fantastic and strong and that idiot down the lane, that has been a nuisance to you most of your miserable teenage hood, will be surprised when you turn your wand on him to make him bark like a dog.

Well, sweets, let me tell you something:

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Being a witch is not that simple as you may think. It takes more than wiping that baby snot off your nose as you are becoming a young adult and it takes way more than just a mood of the day because you think being a witch is cool and will get you all kind of stuff you cannot afford otherwise. You do not just look the part, buy a couple of books and think you own the world! Wicca, Haketean, The Hermetic Order of The Golden Dawn, and all other occult beliefs take their crafts very serious and it takes years to be the witch that you need to be.

Maybe you got this whole witchy thing wrong, Being a witch is not a religion but a lifestyle. It takes saying goodbye to worldly treasures and pleasures, and you being one with nature. It takes learning, teaching, protecting the vulnerable, being a voice for the voiceless, and using your craft for healing and nurturing. It also takes self-discipline, a clean lifestyle, and faith – a hell a lot of faith.

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They say there is a difference between miracles and magick.

The way I see it, there is only one difference. While the good people, that run to church every Sunday and praise the Lord in the highest notes, beg God to solve a problem for them, witches simply ask the Divine (God himself) to give them the strength and support to solve their own problem.

Let’s face it, the bible is a great book of guidance, stories, and resources and as many times, as it has been rewritten by “MAN”, I have learned to read between the lines and take it all with a grain of salt. Now Jesus, a man who was married and had children. (https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/2014/1110/1-400-year-old-manuscript-points-to-Jesus-wife-and-kids-authors-say#:~:text=Jesus%20Christ%20was%20married%20to,children%2C%20a%20new%20book%20says.), with that kind of love and incredible faith in his father, the God Almighty, is bound to be able to perform miracles. He walked on water, made the blind see, fed five thousand on only two fish, brought the dead back to life, and healed leprosy among so many other things. The Feeding of the 5,000 is also known as the “miracle of the five loaves and two fishes”; the Gospel of John reports that Jesus used five loaves and two fishes supplied by a boy to feed a multitude.

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You mean to tell me, that witches are considered Evil because we do the same things y’all do in church? The priest swings his myrrh in a huge incense burner while praying in Latin, that people who have never visited any school of higher Education will never understand and have to go by blind faith, that that prayer is legit. I burn incense at my altar. The priest holds a sermon to brainwash people into his opinion, I silently meditate in gratefulness for everything I am allowed to do, learn, and be. The organized church, where people go to worship God, sings, hymns that are in the book and taught. I do too – self written and by myself at my altar and at home, (I was taught, that God’s house is wherever you make it and wherever you worship and pray), praising God and the trinity in the highest of respectful ways.

If you have done your research, you surely came across The Greater and Lesser Key of King Solomon and one of the first sentences in The Greater Key states, that God has many names and God comes in many different shapes and forms. So who is to say that being a witch is wrong when in reality it all boils back down to all beliefs being the same and all religions believing in that one greater Being – GOD.

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I was raised strictly Catholic and got my behind whooped the good old fashioned way many times for my different beliefs even as a child. Being half gypsy comes with certain talents and gifts that I was to understand a lot later in my life.

I have read and read and studied, done my courses, watched every possible educational and research video on “The Arts” and learned all about “Harm Ye None And Do As Ye Will.”

I even learned to respect creatures, that the good Christian will kill in a hot second without thinking about it twice. I have learned, that every living being has its place on Earth and in the Universe. Cockroaches – Oh- My- God.

This may sound weird, but the family sense of a cockroach is greater than that of some humans. A cockroach will pick up her babies and carry them while they are small – all 400+ that she laid eggs of. A male cockroach will take over when the mom needs some rest. Hmm, I know families who do not care about their offspring as much as a damn roach does. Living in Thailand, I have the giant ones here and we respect each other – believe it or not. When you have learned your ties to Nature and the universe, you will understand things you never thought of before in your life. Ah – nature.

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Hubert Reeves

“Man is the most insane species. He worships an invisible God and destroys a visible Nature. Unaware that this Nature he’s destroying is this God he’s worshiping.”

Sounds crazy? No it is not. When I sit in Nature, I listen for the messages, the birds seem to bring, the trees seem to whisper in the wind and the vibes I get. I center and ground and become one with Gaia, our Mother Earth. And then there is that inner calm voice that starts to speak, my inner Divine given to me by the highest Divine, Our Almighty God and father.I have yelled at him in the past, I have told him I hated him, when things did not go my way,I have ignored him and his voice, but came to the conclusion, that he never left me. He let me behave in a bad way, be stubborn, be mad at him and took me through many bad and good lessons – but one thing he never did, no matter how I acted – he never ever left me, even when I left him !!!

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So you, as a Christian want to crucify me for being a witch? Let me tell you something. What have you done today, other than feeling sorry for yourself and be miserable? You look at a glass half empty and are afraid of loss, I look at a glass half full and am happy with what I have. Have you rescued anyone or anything today? I do it daily and do not have to think about it twice. Whether it is the old beggar who is drunk most of the time because he just wants to die. Have you looked into his eyes or taken the time to talk to him? No??? Why not – I thought you were a God-fearing Christian. He had some bad cards dealt with him and is begging for a hand. He smells bad and is dirty, will you help him? No?? Why not??? I do not have to think about it twice, because I will pick him up, clean him up, and help him back on his feet if that is what he wants.

You want to judge us witches? We carry the torches into the dark to find those who need help finding their way back into the light, while you run to your church, praise the Lord and have nothing better to do after church but to gossip, and eyeball that cute chick or dude, that seems to be new to the congregation.

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We are witches – shadow and death walkers, destined to clean up the mess, the so-called God Fearing world creates. Do I love my trinity? You bet I do. Am I God-fearing? You bet I am. I tell you what I am not.

I am not one of those church running, two-faced individuals who pretend to love thy neighbor, but talks shit about them. I am not a person who closes her eyes to the misery of others, I will help them solve their problems. I am not selfish, nor a two-faced woman who changes her opinion with the wind and as the world turns.

This is what I am: I am a teacher and yes, I teach the poor for free, I am an animal rescuer, who will make sure her animals eat before I do, I am also proud to have the talents I have and will put them to use for the less fortunate, I am God-Fearing and loving and will extend my hand to the ones down. Don’t you ever let me catch you putting a hand on those down unless you plan on helping them up?

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I am not interested in worldly pleasures and said goodbye to luxury long time ago to do what I am destined to do: Be the best witch that I can be, a lightworker who works in the dark, a teacher, a guide, a helping hand to all who need it, a voice for the voiceless and a protector, as well as a warrior.

This is my destiny and I thank God for the rocky road that I had to walk throughout my life because I would not be who I am today.

So you think you are ready for all this?

If you want to be a glamour bling witch, you are just a blender and pretender, but if you are serious about being a witch, this is your path and demeanor. The decision is yours. Do you just want to be cool or take it to the realm? You have a lot to think about, but whatever your decision may be, all witches will appreciate your sincerity and embrace you whether you want to join a coven or be free-flying, solitary, and eclectic. YOU have to decide which way to go. It won’t be easy, but the rewards are great, only if you are for real and sincere. Turning Tommy next door into a toad or frog is unrealistic, even though it is a nice thought.

Blessed Be, my sisters and Brothers and May the Divine, our God the Almighty show you the path you need to take.

And How was Your day?

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The Fabricators In Love And The Higher Realm Part 4

Our History – The Woodworking Witch

My grandmother raised me, and she taught me over the years how to love unconditionally. However, over the years, she aged, and during the last ten years of her life, she turned me over to my uncles and my dad, to be taken care of. They decided that the way my grandmother was training me was wrong and made them look terrible, so I ended up marrying my first wife.

I loved her despite everything she had done in her past, but I decided to cover things up, not recognize them, and love her anyway. Everything went great until her family, and my family got involved in our marriage. I went to my father for some advice on an apartment we were living in, and I did not drink at this particular time, even though I was taught to drink when I was a young guy.

During conversations over weeks and months, things got even worse at the apartment we were living in, and I took on two jobs to fix that situation, still receiving counseling from my uncles and my dad. I didn’t realize that my dad and uncles were jealous of me at that time because I was a loving individual, and they were dogs towards women and gave our family name a bad reputation.

One day my uncle, whom I loved very much, decided to take me for a ride in his pick-up truck. We decided to stop and buy a case of beer and a pint of Canadian Mist. Then we drove to Chicago, Il, to my aunt’s house, who was in Pill Hill, close to Stoney Island. She invited us in to her house.

She was a bartender and also had her own in house bar. Drinks started to pour freely, and that was the point the reprogramming of my mind started. However, because I was loving and kind and loved them so much, I never noticed what they were trying to do.

After that evening was over, my uncle drove me back to my grandmother’s house, and he watched me get into my car and drive home. Needless to say, because I was drunk, even though I made it home safe, my wife knew I had been drinking. She began to cry, but I was too drunk and just went to bed.

As weeks and months passed, I started spending more time with my uncles and my dad, even though I was still taken care of business at home and treated my wife with love and kindness, I slowly became my own worst nightmare. My dad started to supply the alcohol for my uncle and me, and after about six months of drinking with them, my dad made a statement to me that caught my attention. He told me the way I treated my wife, made them look bad because their idea of loving a woman is the 3 F’s – find them – F..k them and forget them.

What I did not know was that at the same time, my wife was also being reprogrammed. Even though her mother was a missionary at church, and my dad was an ordained minister, this is the kind of mindset those people had.

While this was going on, I still maintained two jobs and had to make two moves with my family and found out that the second move I made would be the last with my wife. My drinking became excessive, even though I never was violent, but because of the interference from both sides of our families, my wife and I finally grew apart. To hold our family together, I decided to take a job at a factory as a maintenance man.

Still fighting the alcohol demon and all the bullshit that accompanies it, and still trying to maintain a church life and follow the teachings of my pastors, I slowly watched my grandmother’s health deteriorate. I watched my dad, and my uncle takes command of a sinking ship. My grandmother passed away before I went to Heartland, a Christian Rehabilitation Center. I spend the following year alone and depressed, even though I was still married. In 1995, because of family influence, my first wife and I separated.

I ended up living with my father, which in turn decided that he would call the police and have me removed from his house. I ended up staying in several rooming houses, getting deeper and deeper involved in alcohol and drugs.
After a few years on the streets constantly dealing with fly by night jobs because of my skill set, I was invited to a Thanksgiving party thrown by my sister. At that time, my biological mother was still alive, and my son was present at that party too, along with my two daughters. They told me about a place called Heartland, and my son told me that there were forgiving people and would help me with my alcohol and drug-disease. I told my son that I could not go there, because I grew up with Christians, and I thought they were phonies for the most part and not true to their own God.

After the party was over, I went to a shelter and spent the night there. The next few days went by, and I ended up at my sister’s house again. When I walked through the door, she smelled alcohol on my breath again, and I admitted to drinking, so she told me I could stay at her house for 35.- USD. I gave her the money, and she led me to the guest bedroom (may I mention that she is a Christian and Evangelist herself). I noticed that I had a quart of wine in my pocket, emptied the bottle and threw it in the trash can with the rest of the garbage in a way that could not be detected. Somewhere between the time I was there and midnight, she woke me up out of a dead sleep and asked me if it was my wine bottle because it was not hers. I explained that I emptied it and put it in a garbage can. She told me to get up and threw me out without giving me my money, even though I asked for it.

When she closed the front door, you could feel the heat leaving me, and at this particular time, I was dressed lightly and had no gloves. The temperatures were freezing, and I walked to a store to buy myself a pint of whiskey and asked one of the locals where there was the nearest shelter to get warm. They explained that the nearest shelter was a few miles down the road, and I started to drink my whiskey on the way there to keep warm. I arrived at the shelter, but it was closed. There was a White Castle Hamburger joint across the street, and I went there to warm up. I stayed for about an hour and a half, but the people behind the counter asked me to leave. I went back across the street to the shelter and sat down on the sidewalk by a pole and went to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I could not move. I started to cry, I was in pain and hurting and thinking about everything I had been through in my life, and asked the Lord for help. I told him I could not do this anymore by myself and needed his help. Somehow or another, I managed to get up on my feet, which were frozen along with my hands, but I dragged myself to the street. An ambulance was passing by, pulled over, and took me with them. They wrapped a blanket around me and took me to the hospital. The emergency doctors took me in but did not want to treat me since I had no insurance, but there was a doctor who made a different call and told them they had to treat me.

I spent two weeks in the hospital and finally got well enough to figure out where I was. I was taken down to the rehabilitation room, where I was given a walker with the remark that I would never walk again, but they would reach me how to use this walker. The only next of kin I had at that time, that may have wanted anything to do with me, was my sister. After a few days, she finally came to the hospital and told me that she could not take care of me and would put me in a nursing home. I called my son in Heartland, and he told me that he would take it from there. I told my sister about my situation, and she bought me a handicapped ticket and gave me to one of my younger brothers, who took me to the Union Station, explained to someone in the information booth, that I had to get on the train and just left me there.

I took the train to Quincey, Il, where my son picked me up at the train station, and from there, I went to a place called Lebelle Mo. What I did not know was that I would be here for the next ten years. This is where Heartland, the Christian Recovery Center, is.

I learned to love the people there with all their mistakes and shortcomings and learned, that organized religion and Christianity was not for me, but sobriety and Jesus Christ were.

After ten years of being in Heartland, I married a minister, who also claimed to be a counselor and a teacher. So I decided to give Christianity and its followers one more shot. I pulled out some old plans I had in my head for a long time and started to put them together. During the ten years, I stayed in Heartland, I was able to build a workshop for myself, bought a nice pick-up truck, and create a decent income. Throughout my second marriage, my wife, who was supposed to be a Christian and ordained minister, came to me one day after coming off the road and explained to me that Missouri law claims that all she had to do was to stay married to me for five years. I would have to take care of her for the rest of her life.

Previously, before this conversation came up, she talked me into trusting and loving her, which she said, that I did not and that I had to let my past die. So I let my guards down after deciding to trust her and started a joint bank account. She introduced me to people from a different church, who showed me love and affection, even though I felt uneasy about that. Later on, I would find out that my first inclination was correct: She was a phony along with everyone she hung around.

After five years of what I thought was a loving relationship, she suddenly turned on me and left me out in the cold. After a bitter court battle, the courts figured out that she was fabricating the story after lengthy investigations and conversations with me. I ended up having to pay her off with half of my business, which I built in Heartland, and we went our separate ways.

When I got back into my Semi, I started to think that I have been in church and around Christians since I was a child. I broke off fights in church, solved evil situations, and even had an affair with an evangelist at 17 years old who was married and my bible teacher to one of the musicians in the choir.

Sitting in Tennessee one night in my truck, I decided that it was time for a change. I still wanted to be a Christian without following their rules because I knew what that would lead to. I sat on the side of the street. I thought of pastor Charlie, who was the founder of Heartland Rehabilitation Center, their rise and fall, their rise and fall in the Church of Christ, as I observed it, the rise and fall of the church, my sister sent me to, and all the Christians claiming to know Jesus but did not seem to.

I played with my laptop and discovered another way to live for the Lord in a solitary atmosphere. I started to do research and started to rebuild my workshop, and I came across a group of solitary believers, that teach you how to serve the Lord, and not have to deal with all the chaos of organized religion.

As I went along on my journey, and everyone I know needs someone. We all need companionship. I was getting tired of dealing with self-proclaimed female Christians and ministers, as well as the male versions of those. I prayed and asked the Lord to send me a female who was a non-church goer, but god-fearing with Christian beliefs.

So over the next few months, the Lord finally introduced me to one, and even though the relationship we have would be strange to many people, I believe in the miraculous wonders of the Lord. At the moment, we share our lives 8000 miles apart and on FaceTime, but we believe that the good Lord will put us together soon. We already made our vows and committed to each other for life.

To all of the Christians out there, who have a relationship with their husbands/wives, let me explain to you how this works: When you marry as a Christian in the name of the Lord, the ring you wear stands for something. When you make that vow before the Lord, that is a two-way street. You are committing yourself to each other for life, but most people take that for granted. Most Christians do not even know who they serve. They go to church on Sundays and going out to dinner, thinking they served the Lord. Christianity is a way of life and is not to take lightly.

Therefore, I never want to go through the same crap again, so I decided to step out of the traditional way of doing things and marry someone true to her faith. Even though her religion is different, it is exactly that way of believing that I felt drawn to ever since I was a child.

Christians say they love unconditionally, but it always seems to come with conditions when you get right down to it. I do not want to get further into it, because it would take too long to explain, but in brief, I found a female who shares the same beliefs I have.

For the first time in my life, I can honestly say we are twin flames and two hearts that beat as one. Life may be a little difficult now for both of us, and instead of running away from our problems, we work together to solve them, while most of the Christians I know don’t do that. It is not a put-down in any way to any Christian belief, or anywhere in life, it is just an observation I made during my life.

Because of the feelings I have, I cannot be dishonest any longer. I will probably be a solitary Christian for the rest of my life, only sharing my faith with the one I love. If the Lord says the same, we will run our businesses together and dedicate our services to rehabilitate the homeless, the forgotten, and the people Christians don’t believe they deserve to have a chance to live. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.

As told by the woodworking witch R.B.

The Fabricators in Love And The Higher Realm – Part 3

– The Saga Continues –

Covid 19 and A Developing Love In Midst Of World Chaos

How desperate must one be to give up everything and start over and fresh at the age of 60 years?

How long can anyone deal with coldness and neglect in a relationship that was once love?

How do you deal with when you realize years ago, it is only a charade and facade but your significant other has no clue?

Should I stay or should I go?

All of the sudden I was in love – at 60. I fell into a deep kind of love that I have never felt before with anyone. It is beautiful and exciting, as well as invigorating and refreshing.

All of the sudden there is someone who cares, who hangs on your lips and listens to every word you say; someone who takes a real interest in everything you do and say and someone who looks out for you in every way – genuinely.

You ask yourself: How did you deserve to find this kind of love?

Maybe it is not of this world.And it is not your better or worse half, but someone you have never met in person.

Let me back up a bit. Today is a very strange day. If I thought things would be peaceful, I was wrong.

After all, my soon to be ex-husband declared a complete understanding for the reasons of me breaking up my marriage weeks ago. The fact that I am in love with someone else is not even the factor for it, because if my marriage was alright, I would have never fallen for anyone else. My eyes would not have wandered and my ears would have not listened for the sweet whisper of my woodworking witch.

This is not the usual love relationship, because right now it only exists on the higher realm and on face time, since we are still 8000 miles apart. But it is the kind of love, that is forever, that survives the craziness of anything and that is glued together for all eternity.

I had my moments of Glory and Fame and cannot deny, that my now husband has a little to do with that. People will not understand that I am giving up producing at my own Record Label and with my own personal producer, that I waited years on to learn the job.

I could have gone to other labels, but it was not only about the producing, instead I was trying to give the man I was married to a feeling of self worth and pride, but he did not get that one at all. He did not see, that I sacrificed years waiting for him to get it together, when my career could have rocketed somewhere else.

When he finally did get it together, I was the one realizing how unhappy I had become over the years.

I was lonely in a marriage and dying on the inside. Sure, I tried to talk to him about it, but was put off with rude remarks like: “Quit your whining, get a hobby so you have something to do” or the really good one “Call someone who gives a shit.”

I stopped talking a few years ago and just embedded myself into what I thought was my destiny.

I had and still have my rescue animals and they did and still do make me very happy, but on a different level.

I was still dying. My husband was happily talking to his exes in a very friendly manner in a tone of voice, that I did not hear in his voice for years when he was talking to me. You could say, he was beasty, bossy and being a total asshole at all times.

Did I feel close to him anymore? Hell no, I started to isolate myself and did what I always had to do: work to earn the money for the family, take care of the big ass garden, since he was not able (so he said) and became an emotional corpse.

Sex was not on the agenda mainly, because I have to be in love to give myself to someone and I have not been in love with that man for a very long time, but did not really realize that until Covid 19 happened and Thailand was under lockdown.

I have been in self-quarantine since January and been going out only with permission and when I had to.

I don’t do well locked up and had to go into my garden a lot not to feel like a prisoner. At least I could do that and thought of everyone that was stuck in one room apartments.

Then there was the sexual fantasy of one of my husbands exes and she freely shared it with him; like what she would like to do to him. He did not really participate in that but he did not stop her either and asked me after I complained with what right I deserve her respect as his wife? (I explained that in the last blog)

I was furious and angry and lost my temper right there, which was nothing nice.

In the meantime something started to blossom that kind of crept up like a tender reed, very shyly, but persistent in the midst of all that ugliness and craziness my marriage and the world had to offer.

Today’s sixty is the new forty and I never thought about age, when I broke it off with my husband, but I thought of feeling free, finding happiness and love and breathing a hell a lot easier again.

So here I am now – stripped of all pretending, going through hell, because I miss my woodworking witch so badly and want to go home to be with him forever, enduring the bullshit my still husband is giving me on a daily base and saying goodbye to my past.

It was a good past at times with glorious moments and I have fond memories of many things, especially where my music is concerned, but I am breaking free from a prison and a make believe world, in which I would have suffocated sooner or later, because my soul was already dead and I did not know it.

I pray to the father, the son and the holy ghost, as well as the Gods and Goddesses of all other traditions to release me soon from this prison and hell and give me the opportunity to be their vessel along with my sweet woodworking witch, who also is a God fearing man, with different beliefs.

We are one in our thinking, our feelings, our everyday lives and the way we do things. We spend at least twelve hours per day together in face time and it almost is as if we are already living together with only one difference – which is 8000 miles between us.

Can a digital love survive? You bet it can and I will keep you updated on how our story continues. Right now it is what it is, but these big emotions and this wonderful love between us is not of this world and what Gods have put together, no man shall ever destroy. It is beautiful and we both are so deeply in love with each other like neither of us have ever been.There will be a day soon, where we will be together forever.

Namaste from Thailand, my dear ones …

And How Was Your Day?

The Fabricators In Love And The Higher Realm 2

– The Saga continues – Mastering problems –

What all are you willing to go through in the name of love?

How deeply can you fall in love?

How do you know without ever having taken that test ride, if the horse is the right one?

How much can you endure in the name of love?

Can a Cyber love survive?

For My Woodworking Witch

Let us be honest. We know the nose knows first when we fall for someone, because it is not the looks, but the body chemistry that attracts us to each other and in our subconscious mind, we know before the eyes have met.

I heard men say: I looked in her eyes and I was in love – BULLSHIT.

I heard women say: His hands look so gentle – BULLSHIT.

Men will always look at tits and ass first before they even get to the eyes. Ask a man that states: “I looked at her eyes,” what color they were and nine out of ten cannot answer that.

Women will say: “Well I looked at his face and hands and they looked so gentle.” Yeah okay, I got your number, sister.

I am a woman too and I look at the ass first and it has to be nicely and well rounded to make me look at the rest of the man.

But still, the nose always knows first before that first exchange of checking each other out.

So, thinking about my own situation, I remember checking my soon to be ex out the same way 17 years ago and it seemed to fit, or at least it did for a while.

Now here is why we did not work out.

First of all, we are from two different worlds. Our worlds seemed to clash a lot, because his world just did not understand mine and kept drilling holes until my world got tired of being spit on.

When the sex is alright, you can pretend for a while that all is well, but when that starts being a problem too due to it turning mechanical and letting the 9-5 days in and starting to neglect, or he starts talking to his exes and is friendlier to them than to you, then there really is no point in staying together any longer.

So you start being the man and the woman of the household, because that too has become unimportant to him, and then ask yourself where your sanity and happiness went, just to find out, there is none left.

Then the depression settles in, you start to cry for no obvious reasons – a lot – and just want to be held by someone that tells you it will all be alright, just to find out, there is no one. In my case I turned to animals and substituted, but that was not the key to my happiness either.

I reminded myself on the movie – Run, Lola, Run, because I seemed to have ran away all of my life. Not this time! I tried to explain and rescue what was left of my marriage just to be pushed away by stupid comments and downright insults and being belittled. So I just stopped talking. He did not even realize that I said years ago, if I stop talking about what bothers me and become really quiet, it is a sign that it is going to be over. I did that for over two years and it still did not change.

Living a Wicca lifestyle, because of my beliefs, I should have continued my magical works, but my mindset was off, so I could not even do that right anymore. I fell in a very deep hole of depression, but no one noticed, because I covered it well.

I went into nature and cried almost daily at least once for no apparent reason, but I would have been damned to cry in front of him, because the one time I did try to rescue what was left of my relationship, I was told to call someone who cares and to quit whining. So I did !!!!

I kept doing what I was doing, working as a teacher, writing and recording my songs as I was in the mood and kept slowly dying off more and more on the inside. And still no one noticed.

At my age, I had given up on ever being with my dream man, that would sweep me off my feet and just love me for who I am, and I came to terms that my marriage is not going to change and I was just stuck in my situation.

As I was going to try a bit harder to get closer, a miracle happened to rescue me. It did not look like that at first, but in the end it is what freed me.

One of his ex’s, who he had a sexual relationship with before my time and over 15 years ago, decided out of the blue to write to him. Oh yeah, he told me about it and I said I do not care, which I really did not. She posed no threat and definitely not 19000 km away.

I could read the conversations and it was just a bunch of blah blah – until one day when she wanted a picture. If a man goes out and turns himself into Darth Vader with fiery eyes and a tag: I’ve got the juice(!) my alarm bells will start to go off. I sided with him, so he thought and actually followed the conversations and he felt free as a bird to talk to her. After all, his wife knew about it. I sent gifs matching her statements, and he felt easy as a pea in the pod. He actually admitted after what she did to him long ago, he loved her graveling attention. Little did he know that this was a test from my side and I took that opportunity to see how far he would take this!

She started to talk freely and became looser and I started to fight with him about her. His statement was: With what right do you deserve respect from her? Do you think a marriage license gives you that right? I went off on his ass, after having two cocktails. The day came where she shared her sexual fantasy with him about what she would love to do to him, and even though he never really gave in to her, he did not stop her either.

Something broke inside me and for me, it was over right then and there. Now I am far from perfect and can be pretty difficult at times, and I may do many things, but cheating is not one of them. To me, cheating starts with a thought and if you did not stop someone’s fantasy about you, you already cheated.

Now he did not get my point at all and still does not understand why I broke it all off, but you see, it was a slow and growing process over years. SHE was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

It did not take very long and my miracle started for me, after praying for months and years for someone to enter my life, that is my equal, my match, my lover, best friend, playmate and my beginning and end. Does such a person exist? I started to doubt it, because the kind of love I was looking for all of my life, was the kind you find in romance novels and 50 cent stories.

Well guess what? As I already stated in part 1, such a man does exist and I firmly believe it was the God(s), who put us together, because we are the same – twin flames, soul mates and we are meant to be one. Even though we are still 8000 miles apart, we spend at least 12 hours together in face time daily with only breaking it off when he or I sleep.

He is everything I ever wanted in a man and so much more, I have to pinch myself at times to make sure this is real. We will be together physically really soon, and he not only embraces me, but my 20 animals as well and THAT is a rarity. This is one man, I am keeping and making damn sure he is happy. I do love my woodworking witch more than anything in the world and other than our beliefs, we share everything else the same as well.

This story will progress and continue and it will have a very happy end, because we both are working towards that. Two damaged souls have found each other and became one in a love, that is unique, hard to describe and for many not to understand. We have the realm and we have us for now, but when there is a big lightning across the sky some day soon, you will know that the whispering witch and the woodworking witch finally united forever and always. Namaste from Thailand )0(

And how was Your day?

The Fabricators In Love And The Higher Realm

Love…what exactly is that? Is it that forever burning fire we feel when we first meet? Is it that deep feeling of trust that remains, should the initial fire burn down a bit? Is it possible to keep that flame burning? How do friends become lovers? Thousands of questions that never bothered me before, but became a real issue all of the sudden.

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Let me introduce myself: My name is Cici and they call me The Whispering Witch. I am a creator, a fabricator, a wire wrapper, an Award-winning singer/songwriter, a recording artist, an author, a professional teacher for various subjects, and an animal rescuer. I got my name for my ability to communicate with all animals. I am a God-fearing woman with a Wicca lifestyle but also studying the Hecatean way and how it all connects to the Universum. You could also say, I am a Christian Witch. (That goes against the grain of many). My belief is that regardless of which higher power we believe in, we need to realize, that it is all the same theoretically. If you read anything about religion and beliefs, as well as Christian Science or studied it, a few lights would turn on, but unfortunately this is a subject many are scared of or too closed-minded to discuss. Believing in any positive higher power is great, regardless of religious backgrounds. One should never judge anyway about the beliefs of others, but unfortunately that is something in human nature, that will never change. I, for one, will not allow anyone to judge me but one, and that is the big Manitou in the sky. It is actually written, that it is not our place to judge period, but unfortunately, most, that run to worship their God on a Sunday will run their mouths 5 minutes after the service is over, and forget all about the word of God.

So this was a little larger self-introduction, but I want you to know where I am coming from, and that these are things that go completely against my grain.

Yes, I am blunt and will speak my mind, but I will not hide my believes or my love.

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I was content in my married life, I thought and stayed in a rut for 15 years without realizing that the fire left long ago, and it just turned into a mechanical existing type of life without feelings and feeling alive. I was suffering without knowing it, dying on the inside without realizing it and had so much love to give, that it was killing me because there was nothing and no one to direct it to. Oh sure, I had my rescued animals and they became more by the week. I thought they would replace what I was missing and to an extent, they did. I love them all and they love me, but something was still missing. There was this emptiness I could not fill regardless of what I did. I withdrew more and more and just spent my time recording when I felt like it, writing, paying attention to my animals, and of course, working because the bills still had to be paid.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is not a bad person, but we are from two different worlds and were unevenly yolked with my world constantly clashing with his. I always laughed when I heard people say they are lonely even though they were in relationships and I never really understood until I was the one isolated in my own marriage.

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So I kept suffering in silence until one day, my salary was late. Working in China and living in Thailand has its definite charms, but can also be very nerve-wracking. After all, I not only had to pay all bills but also had a husband to feed and 28 rescued animals that were depending on me with not only food but their whole existence. I had saved enough money to get over the initial rough edge and just tightened that belt, but then month two rolled around and again no salary. Why? Not because the company did not want to pay, but there was no way to move money out of China due to a trade war that affected over 3000 teachers all over the world. These were really tough times and it just added to my depression.

A very close witchy friend of mine started to post a call for help on Facebook and since I create jewelry among other things, she simply praised my shop and woke the interest of some fellow sisters and brothers of the craft. (I need to reach back a bit now).

Before you all knock this bunch of people, let me tell you this: Being a witch is not a religion, but a lifestyle. We are protectors, teachers, rescuers, Earth protectors, nature-loving, and respecting people, but also shadow and death-walkers because we help people, that have lost their way in darkness back into the light. In reality, think about this: What all did Jesus do? He fed 5000 people with just two fish, turned water into wine, raised the dead, made the blind see with a little bit of mud, healed leprosy, and so much more. The church calls it miracles; I call it magic. I had arguments with priests about this, and they could do nothing but shut their faces because we perform the same rituals in private as the church does to honor the highest divine of all.

What most people who knock witches do not realize is that they confuse witchery with sorcery and that in reality, there is no white or black magick, it is the meaning and intent that makes it good or evil. The Wiccan Rede states: “Harm Ye None And Do As Ye Will.” So by me not killing animals (I even set bugs outside that get lost in my house occasionally), I sure would not turn a human into a toad. People who believe that that is possible have very clearly watched too much Harry Potter and Charmed.

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I belong to this really cool group of down to Earth sisters and brothers who share my faith, and there was a day when all the newbies were being greeted. I usually write a friendly welcome and go by my business, but there was one name that kind of stuck with me—not knowing why I went by my business and kept going back to his name. It was intriguing and had a beautiful ring to it: The Woodworking Witch.

Did I check his profile? Of course, I did, and what I found was a man smiling but hiding his pain behind this posed face, and I felt the unhappiness coming from him. Weird, I usually do not go around and check up on who is who, because I was stuck in my rut, not looking for anyone and had really no explanation for my actions. Maybe I needed to stop having my two cocktails in the evening because I clearly was acting strangely and could not explain for the life of me why. (I completely stopped drinking by now and will never return to it)

So my friend posted my shop with a plea of help on Facebook, which I found embarrassing, but was glad she did. I received some orders from my fellow sisters, and then I received a kind of sweet, but bashful mail, and it said he wanted to check up on me regularly….signed the woodworking witch. My heart jumped, and I had no clue why.

The mails came first about twice per week and then more regularly, and pretty soon, I found myself chatting with someone I had no clue of who he was. I also found myself looking forward to hearing from him, and it did not take long, and we were chatting for several hours a day getting to know each other as friends. Oh, I was in so much denial then already, because after all, I was not looking and neither was he, but we constantly looked for each other in the net.

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Being in the position I was in, I realized, that my marriage existed on paper only for quite some time and while he was long chatting with old female friends, I had found a close friend that I learned to trust very slowly.

He was interested in some jewelry I made and ordered a bracelet, that I needed to make. I got right on it and it took me a couple of days, but I finished it. He asked me to pray on it and since the plan for the next day was to go to the Sanctuary Of Truth with my daughter, which is a temple in Thailand that has the entire evolution story of mankind and all religions carved in wood, I figured it is a good day to take the bracelet as well to lift him and the bracelet in prayer and present both to all deities in existence.

After taking a boat ride through all kinds of fish that seemed to follow us and even jumped up on us, we finally ended up at the temple. Oh, it was impressive. Made out of hand-carved wood only, it looked even better than on the internet, and a really calm feeling filled my soul. I have not felt like this in what seems forever, and I followed the path I had to walk. I was in awe at the beauty and the craftsmanship that was presented here and worked my way through every chamber to finally get to the prayer chamber where all Gods of all religions have their place. I fell on my knees in gratitude and prayed silently to give thanks for all I had and endured, even the bad things because I realized there are lessons to be learned and negative can be turned into positive. I have been praying for relief of my pain for many months and even thanked for the pain that I was going through. Then I pulled out the bracelet that I made for my woodworking witch and held it in my hands. I raised it up above my head with both hands and asked the deities and Gods, as well as all Goddesses present to bless this bracelet, fill it with love and protection as well as bless the man who will wear it.

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At that moment, I felt what seemed like lightning going through me, and I lost all ground beneath my knees. I was floating and crossing the veil, and it scared the living hell out of me, but I kept concentrating, and after getting over the initial fear, I felt nothing but warmth and love in my heart. The feeling of having ground below me returned, and I slowly opened my eyes. No one seemed to have noticed or understood, nor seen what just had happened, and I started to get up. I wrapped the bracelet back up and looked for my daughter, who was already in the last chamber of the sanctuary. What I did not know is, when that happened to me, something happened to him at the same time.

I must have been really quiet because my daughter asked me what was wrong. All I could say is nothing really, but then again I do not know.

I told my woodworking witch in our next chat what I did and something between us changed right there. I can’t point my finger, but there was a new tone of voice in our writing and we seemed to be a lot closer than before.

Now, how do you fall in love with a person, you have never seen, nor know anything about? That is the weird part…we could read each other and connect on a different level, which I will simply call the higher realm. It takes years of practice to reach this level and here we were, meeting regularly now in our spiritual world. He came into my life like a tornado and turned my world upside down. I felt his presence as he felt mine and it was time to raise the level of communication, so we switched to facetime, first every few days, and then more regularly.

My husband and I had decided to get a divorce, so he was free to do what he wanted and me also.

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Facetime between my woodworking witch and me happened daily, and we fell quickly and deeply in love with each other, realizing we do not want to be without the other ever again.

How will the story continue? I can tell you this: We are twin flames and soulmates, who found each other a bit later in life, but I am the Ying to his Yang and the female version of him, as he is the male version of me. It cannot get any better, and for the moment, we are 8000 miles apart, but this too shall pass. We meet in the realm, we talk in facetime and spend most of the day together, other than when he sleeps or when I sleep and with a twelve hours time difference, that is at different times. I am completely devoted to my woodworking witch with a very deep, hard to explain love, as he is to me. It is not for the world to understand, but for us and what Gods have put together, no man shall tear apart. We will be physically together soon and it will be for eternity.

I am in love with an angel, and one of God’s chosen ones, and I am grateful that I am the one allowed to love him. Namaste and Brightest Blessings from Thailand.

And how was your day?

Flowers from George

Flowers from George

I hated cockroaches. I have always hated them.

When I was young and before I rented my very first own apartment, I had never ever seen one prior to then.

The apartment was in a run down building that was barely occupied and some apartments were so broken down, that the doors were missing and water was leaking out of pipes, that had been fixated to not flood the building and were leading the water elsewhere.

 It was eerie, really, really eerie – BUT – it was a place to call home after a 19 hours flight and a new start in life, when I was still a wild child and rather disorderly, a rebel of society sort of speaking.

I saw no reason to waste money on a hotel or motel, not even a hostel, especially since I did not have much of it anyway.

Money, always money- whoever invented that needs to be shot.

When I entered the outskirts of Tacoma, Washington, I asked the taxi driver, who was an older and a bit scary looking guy with a scruffy face, if he knew of apartment buildings, that would rent quickly and without checking on credit, since I had none and just relocated to the USA.

He answered: “Child, this is the US of A and there are plenty of buildings, but the budget you named is not enough for a very good area, only for the lesser pretty part of town.”

Naive, young and dumb as I was, I said: “OK, so take me there please.”

The streets became darker and less friendly. We drove through an industrial area that looked like a ghost town out of a really scary horror movie and I felt my heart drop a little towards my knees.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 1974 came to mind, as did The Fog.

 I caught myself looking around and expecting something to jump out from somewhere.

What if the Cabby was really a monster or zombie and just disguised himself? All possibilities of being murdered entered my mind and now I was really scared, especially since he was being so quiet and had a determined and grim look on his already a little scary looking face.

I found myself clearing my throat and asking in a very quiet, shy and shaky little girl’s voice:

 “Are we there yet?” He did not answer.

 Maybe he did not hear me, so I asked again, just a little louder: “Are we there yet?”

He put on the breaks very harshly, turned around with a very angry look on his face and said:

“Does it look like we are there yet?”

He realized that he pushed it a bit hard when I saw the surprised look on his face, as tears were running down mine.

 I did not expect this at all and was tired, hungry, a bit afraid, because I was all alone on a different continent, where I only spent a few years in my very early childhood and did not have much memory of it at that. But it was home and I wanted to be there.

Growing up in Europe was not easy and I never felt, I belonged there, especially since I looked different from the rest of my family and was treated accordingly also, and not always in a good way. While my family had blond,light brown hair and greyish, blue and green eyes with a very light skin, I contrasted them with very dark eyes, black hair and easy to tan skin, that made me look so different from them.

 I never questioned it, at times I even thought I was adopted, and while growing up with my grandparents, I enjoyed the best Education that money could buy, including the schools that teach you how to eat, walk, talk and how to act around other people.

God, how I hated having that big ass bible on top of my head to learn how to balance while walking or while sitting at the table trying to eat, with two more books, one under each arm.

Am I a princess or why did they put me through this?

As it turned out much later, I was no princess, but they tried to change my heritage without realizing that they could not change the spots on a leopard.

I have to give it to them, they really, really tried – hard!

I found out many years later, that I am half gypsy and THAT was unacceptable to the rest of the family and their environment. That was the reason, they were constantly yelling at my mother and making her cry.

So that is why my father was never allowed at our house. I was too small to understand, but I did understand the sense of evilness and unacceptance floating around.

I watched my mom slowly deteriorate over the years after she was forced to divorce him and she never was the same again.

 I was too young to really understand back then what was going on, so I did not question things, but I did catch the ugliness of that situation.

I decided at that point and right then and there to leave as soon as I was old enough and I did – quietly, not telling anyone, because I would have never made it out of there, since my grandma, the reigning house dragon, as she was lovingly called, was lining up the young studs to marry me and get me out of her house and away from her having to be responsible for me.

I was just a teenager, for Christ sake. This was MY life and MY choice, and I needed to do whatever it took to get away.

I played organ for money in churches during masses, I played waitress at several cafe’s and did whatever I could do for work to remove my unwanted self from the situation I was living in.

And finally the day had come: I had enough for a one way ticket to Tacoma, wherever the hell that was, and booked it. I just had one thought on my mind: Away from a family that really did not want me there, but simply tolerated me and flying into freedom.

Why did they not just leave me with my parents and insisted instead that I grow up with them?

 I got all those answers much later in my life, but that is another story.

So, anyway, I heard Nick, the Cabby say: “I am so sorry, I did not want to frighten you, but I hate this area. Too much trouble, too much crime, but it is a shortcut to save you money, because the regular way would have been 10 miles or more. We will be at the other side of town in a few minutes.

As it turned out upon arrival and the initial introduction, his friend managed this run down building and as we drove up to it, I thought:

 “OH – MY – GOD!”

I heard of graffiti, but never saw it in real life and here it was in all of its glory. Actually it was not bad looking in my opinion, I convinced myself.

After all, this was going to be home for a short while.

Marcus, Nick’s friend was an older, toothless guy, but very nice and he apologized right away for the condition of the building.

 The owner, he told me, cared less about it and now he was left renting to low income people, but that everyone in the building was one big happy family.

Cool, so I can breathe normal again.

My new stable was on the fourth floor and looked clean on the first look and even though, the pipes were outside of the walls, which I never saw before, it looked, – well -, almost cozy.

Marcus asked me if I needed some furniture to get started and I told him I cannot afford them yet. He answered: “No problem, I have a storage full of them, they are almost new and you are welcome to them.”

This turned out to be a great new start, I thought.

 I opened the cabinets and all was clean. I found the broom closet and saw a stack of newspapers, that were left behind in the top area and pulled it down – along with hundreds of cockroaches of all sizes, that covered me and were all over my body.

I screamed in horror and both Nick and Marcus hurried up and tried to get them off me.

Once I recovered from that shock, Marcus immediately called the exterminator to take care of the problem. More to this later.

To get back on track to the here and now, and leaving all the gory details in between out for the moment, I ended up relocating to Thailand seven years ago still hating cockroaches with a passion.

That was until I saw the movie “Joe’s Apartment” a couple of years back.

Hmm, kind of cool, I thought. I stumbled across that movie by accident and after watching it, I saw cockroaches in a whole new light.

So very recently and just a few days ago, as I was preparing dinner for my husband, I felt as if someone was watching me.

I looked up and saw the biggest and seriously majestic looking cockroach ever in my life on the upper part of my kitchen wall.

Thailand does not just have roaches, they have the supersize cockroach, that spent years in the gym to built muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger and that will walk away with your entire plate if given the chance.

The feelers of that thing on my wall were curiously swaying and I did not dare move, remembering my little adventure from Tacoma years ago with horror – still.

He just sat there and I just stood there staring at him. He did not move, but I felt a sense of calmness coming from him.

So I continued to prepare dinner, after realizing, that he posed no threat. He watched me the whole time and when I served dinner and returned the dishes to the kitchen sink, he was gone.

This repeated itself every evening for weeks and it may sound crazy, but we had a silent understanding, that I won’t kill him and he won’t come near me.

Since we live in this rural environment with all kind of animals, critters and crawlers, which include scorpions, snakes, as well as very beasty army and fire ants, all the other garden roaches knew my broom, because I made it a point to be in control of my area and when they saw me coming with that thing, they would turn around and angrily stomp away, so it seemed.

They did not really want to continue to make the acquaintance with that broom, and preferably stayed in their area, while I stayed in mine.

You may think this bitch here is crazy, so maybe I am, but I have learned long time ago to live with nature and not against it, which is why these creatures are allowed to live in my yard.

After all, it is US invading THEIR space and not THEM invading OURS!!!

THEY were here first.

I named my kitchen friend George and thought to myself: So this is how far you have gotten. You are having discussions with cockroaches. I caught myself talking to him and believe it or not, he was answering in his own way, but still careful and from a safe distance.  

Since I studied animal communication,I at first struggled with it, but then I started to understand George.

Having lived a life full of hatred and despise towards him so far, because of who he was, he  learned to be careful.

The thoughts kept crossing my mind, that all creatures have a purpose in life, even the most disgusting and ugliest and George let me feel, that his purpose in life was to eat the dead carcasses of lizards maybe laying around somewhere, the garbage and nasty, dead stuff, that makes us sick, when left laying around for too long and that could seriously kill or make my rescued eleven dogs and nine cats very ill.

He was not trying to invade my space. He did what he was destined to do and accepted the fact that he had to share his space with humans, that had invaded his.

All of the sudden I understood.

George visited every evening, sat in the same spot with his feelers curiously swaying, and I actually was looking forward to his presence.

There always was a sense of calmness entering when he was around. Strange, very, very strange.

Then, one evening, I noticed he was not there and I was wondering, why not.

After all he should know, that I was not going to harm him.

 I caught myself seriously looking for him, how weird.

A few days later I found him laying on his back in a corner behind a decorative cup. I knew right away it was him because of his color and size. He looked and acted different from the other ones outside.…

The strange thing was, he had a very small flower next to him and his two front legs embraced it, as if he wanted to bring it to me.

Unbelievable, I felt tears coming up and choking me and the sense of having lost a very good friend.

Weird? No, it took a cockroach to finally having understood the purpose of all living beings and respecting them, no matter what or who they are.

And how was your day?

Sissy – From Tramp To Lady


Sissy – From Tramp To Lady

Once upon a time, there was a gorgeous four-legged, black fur nose without a name in the same shelter, we were still working at.
They called her “Dam”, which is Thai for Black.

I had been so busy with trying to figure out how to get Loki out of there and thinking about how to convince my hubby, who was dead set on NOT adopting any more animals, that I did not realize, he had long set his eyes on another pup.

I was in Loki’s run when my hubby came to me and asked me to follow him since he wanted to show me something in area B, which was the back part of the shelter and mainly the rescued fur noses from the illegal dog meat trade were kept there.

I was in that area every day and could not imagine, what he wanted to show me, that I did not already know.

There were so many runs, and some of the personalities of the dogs did not match with each other. It was my job back there to observe and start pairing the dogs with more suitable friends.

My hubby lead me to a run, that was aside from the others and more hidden, but that was because of the way Area B was built, not to hide dogs.

And there she was – kept in check and pushed in the corner by the others, who were all very friendly dogs, but somehow did not like “Dam”.

We entered the run and very carefully sat on the bamboo table for a while and let the pack smell us and determine for themselves, that we were friends and meant no harm.

“Dam” was in an open cage way to small for her and started to sneak out, as the other dogs were busy with us. I felt a wet nose from behind on my arm and realized, it was “Dam” trying to see who we were.

When the other dogs realized she was near, they snarled and growled at her and chased her back into that small cage, where she just cowered and shook vividly with fear.

It is no wonder, I never noticed her before, if she was being intimidated like this and always hiding.

My hubby told me, he had spotted her a few days ago, as she was being chased by the others and did exactly the same thing.

As he was walking by, her eyes caught the eyes of my hubby and seemed to beg to get her out of there! He stopped dead in his tracks and she came to the front gate and looked deep into his eyes with a look that could have melted melt the heart of stone.
Needless to say, he fell in love instantly!

We started to spend time in that run every day after we finished our work and she very shyly observed us from her hiding place, but with curiosity in her eyes. Finally, we talked to the director of the shelter and asked if we could take her home.

With over 600 dogs around it is hard to know each one of them and we had to show her whom we meant, as some of them are really hard cases, especially coming from the dog meat trade.
She agreed and “Dam” was taken out of the run and taken to the clinic area, where she was bathed and put in a large cage to dry off and settle down, as well as to be observed for any sign of illnesses for a few days.

At that time, I did not want to ask about Loki and my tears started to fill my eyes, as I now saw zero chance for Loki to join our family.

The day had come, where we could take “Dam” home and we decided to change her name to Sissy, which she seemed to accept right away, because the first time we called her new name, her ears perked right up.

How would our pack react to a newcomer and more importantly, after the experiences Sissy made in the shelter for Lord knows how long, how would she react?

Sissy’s Arrival At Her New Home

Living in the boonies with nothing but jungle, rice fields, and neighbors who looked at the “Farangs”, (which expats are called here in Thailand), like we were from another planet, it is needless to say, that our house was an old warehouse and just fixed up to live in.
Being in animal rescue, there are no luxury items, other than a TV, that, if not too tired, is watched occasionally.
We did have computers and internet there and my husband was able to set up a fraction of our recording studio, which with the work we were doing, was hardly ever used anymore.

I had taken a break from teaching to give my entire time to animal rescue and it was a nonstop job.

The day we brought Sissy home, the neighbors were burning garbage in their garden and our house smelled of burned plastic among other fine poisoned fumes.
Opening the windows was useless, as more of those fumes would have entered.

Something about these smells seemed to frighten Sissy and when turned loose in the house, she instantly looked for a place to hide.

The first acquaintance she made was with Shadow, our old black cat we brought from Germany.
They looked at each other and Shadow hissed and Sissy snapped at her and nipped her in the behind.
That was enough saying hello for Shadow and she ran into another room.

Sissy was not seen for hours and she must have found a really good spot because we could not find her.

As dinner time rolled around, I was cooking for hubby and the clan and the smell of delicious chicken drove Sissy out of her hiding place.
I tried to get close to her, but she was not having any of that yet.

The surprising part was when she saw or heard my husband, she would run and hide instantly again – and that after flirting with him so shamelessly at the shelter.

When I served my hubby his dinner and then all the animals, she realized there was something for her as well. She slowly crawled towards her food in her bowl and shrugged with every noise she heard and looked around scared.

The Rimklong Gang, as we call our four-legged clan, seemed to know that Sissy still needed that time to adjust and did not even look at her.

We observed her without her knowing it and saw, that she would snag a piece of food and run with it. That is when we realized how repressed she must have been for such a long time by all the other dogs living with her in the past.

The days went by and we had given Sissy all the room she needed and wanted to adjust and she still would not come near us.

We had a big fenced yard with two huge water tanks in it and fenced in very high. We even put chain link fence over the top as a roof to ensure none of our gang would get out and nothing would come in, especially since there were a number of cats as well, that we took care of, other than our own and they loved to climb.

If you think, there is no difference between rural and domestic cats, you are dead wrong.
These guys are most creative in developing ways to escape and with all the cobras and scorpions among centipedes and other nice creatures around, that was something we did not want or need, since the next vet or civilized city was 45 minutes drive away, just like the next 711…lol.
Sissy discovered that yard and would not come in anymore for that day.
She was quite comfortable behind the tanks and among the hundreds of spiders that lived there.
Then she heard a Thai man yell at something and like speed lightning, she shot out from behind the water tanks and ran into the house cowering and shaking in the corner.
That was the first time I was able to pick her up and tried to calm her and told her, that everything was alright.
By the way, her body was reacting, I felt that she wanted to believe me, but had severe issues with trusting me.

She seemed not so frightened of women, but she panicked when she heard the Thai language spoken or yelled by men. She definitely had issues with all men. Furthermore, she only needed to see my husband and off she went into hiding.
My husband was a little confused, especially after she had flirted with him so shamelessly and he just said to her: “So you just used me to get out of there, huh?”
She just threw him that look as if she wanted to say: “Yeah and you were stupid enough to help me, and now you can kiss my Heini” … lol.

The days and months went by and Sissy adjusted quite well, even though she kept pacing, and pacing, and pacing without a break on a daily basis.
She never barked and we got to know her quite well, even though she still kept her distance.

When she thought we were not looking, she started to play with the others and rolled on the floor or her favorite red couch, but as soon as she realized she was being watched, she went right back into her old behavior.
We also noticed, that she was well trained in climbing and gracious show movements and started to try to find out her past. Of course, there was not much to find out and we realized since she came from the illegal dog meat trade, that she must have been someone’s pet at some time and was stolen, maybe. We also learned after quite a bit of research, that she survived a fire in a different shelter among 80 other dogs. All of the other animals living there, unfortunately, were killed and after that second horrible ordeal, she finally ended up at the shelter we were working at.

She always seemed to look for something, as she sniffed in the air constantly while on her pacing routine.

My husband still could not get near her and me? She occasionally treated me with her attention, but on her terms. We continued to give her all the space and time she seemed to still need.

Loki’s Arrival

Then the day came where Loki finally joined us. I was so thankful that my husband finally agreed, after seeing the special bond Loki and I had and still have.

THAT was the turning point for Sissy. A friend out of the same place, with similar experiences, was what she needed to open up.
Sissy and Loki became the best of friends and she even started to be silly with all the other animals.

It was love at first sight and a wonderful experience for us to see how an abused dog finally opens up.

Then she found her bark again and what a bark it was. That was not a ladylike bark, but more the roaring of a dog that was in the process of finding itself again.
That bark left no misunderstanding but an “I am a dog – just hear me roar”.

Our time at the shelter had come to an end and it was time to move on, so we packed up all of our belongings, which was not much other than the recording studio and all the animals and moved to a different part of Thailand.

Sissy seemed to sense that it was time to move on and voluntarily went into her big crate together with Loki. Her eyes had a look of anticipation and happiness much to our surprise.
After a very long and endless seeming ride across Thailand with two moving trucks, we finally arrived at our new destination about 18 hours later and all the animals were gems and very patient during that journey.

Of course, we had stopped for plenty of bathroom, food and water breaks and all of them behaved like the perfect children, knowing that this was the beginning of a new chapter.
Once turned loose at the new house with that huge yard, there was so much to discover and all of them ran around like silly children sniffing and exploring their new home.

We kept the cats inside for a few days to give them time to adjust, and they were quite thankful for that. After all, that gave them time to explore the house and think of all kind of silly stuff to do.

Now it came to another turning point for Sissy, and she started to show interest in my husband.
By now two years had gone by, and she started to sniff at him, when he was laying down, even to the point of snuggling next to him, when he was sleeping, maybe realizing he wasn’t so bad after all. She and I had developed a great relationship, and she no longer ducked when one of us moved.

Then the big day came and Sissy finally overcame her fear and came to my husband voluntarily, shyly licking his hand.

It took a few more months for her to fully trust him, but today she rewards him with hundreds of kisses and snuggles and flirts shamelessly with him when she wants something.
She had learned to trust and today she even comes near our friends and shows no more signs of fear.

She vividly defends this property against the mailman and delivery people and is all dog – finally. The tramp became a lady and what a lady she is !!!

And How Was Your Day?