Tag: men

The Fabricators in Love And The Higher Realm – Part 3

– The Saga Continues –

Covid 19 and A Developing Love In Midst Of World Chaos

How desperate must one be to give up everything and start over and fresh at the age of 60 years?

How long can anyone deal with coldness and neglect in a relationship that was once love?

How do you deal with when you realize years ago, it is only a charade and facade but your significant other has no clue?

Should I stay or should I go?

All of the sudden I was in love – at 60. I fell into a deep kind of love that I have never felt before with anyone. It is beautiful and exciting, as well as invigorating and refreshing.

All of the sudden there is someone who cares, who hangs on your lips and listens to every word you say; someone who takes a real interest in everything you do and say and someone who looks out for you in every way – genuinely.

You ask yourself: How did you deserve to find this kind of love?

Maybe it is not of this world.And it is not your better or worse half, but someone you have never met in person.

Let me back up a bit. Today is a very strange day. If I thought things would be peaceful, I was wrong.

After all, my soon to be ex-husband declared a complete understanding for the reasons of me breaking up my marriage weeks ago. The fact that I am in love with someone else is not even the factor for it, because if my marriage was alright, I would have never fallen for anyone else. My eyes would not have wandered and my ears would have not listened for the sweet whisper of my woodworking witch.

This is not the usual love relationship, because right now it only exists on the higher realm and on face time, since we are still 8000 miles apart. But it is the kind of love, that is forever, that survives the craziness of anything and that is glued together for all eternity.

I had my moments of Glory and Fame and cannot deny, that my now husband has a little to do with that. People will not understand that I am giving up producing at my own Record Label and with my own personal producer, that I waited years on to learn the job.

I could have gone to other labels, but it was not only about the producing, instead I was trying to give the man I was married to a feeling of self worth and pride, but he did not get that one at all. He did not see, that I sacrificed years waiting for him to get it together, when my career could have rocketed somewhere else.

When he finally did get it together, I was the one realizing how unhappy I had become over the years.

I was lonely in a marriage and dying on the inside. Sure, I tried to talk to him about it, but was put off with rude remarks like: “Quit your whining, get a hobby so you have something to do” or the really good one “Call someone who gives a shit.”

I stopped talking a few years ago and just embedded myself into what I thought was my destiny.

I had and still have my rescue animals and they did and still do make me very happy, but on a different level.

I was still dying. My husband was happily talking to his exes in a very friendly manner in a tone of voice, that I did not hear in his voice for years when he was talking to me. You could say, he was beasty, bossy and being a total asshole at all times.

Did I feel close to him anymore? Hell no, I started to isolate myself and did what I always had to do: work to earn the money for the family, take care of the big ass garden, since he was not able (so he said) and became an emotional corpse.

Sex was not on the agenda mainly, because I have to be in love to give myself to someone and I have not been in love with that man for a very long time, but did not really realize that until Covid 19 happened and Thailand was under lockdown.

I have been in self-quarantine since January and been going out only with permission and when I had to.

I don’t do well locked up and had to go into my garden a lot not to feel like a prisoner. At least I could do that and thought of everyone that was stuck in one room apartments.

Then there was the sexual fantasy of one of my husbands exes and she freely shared it with him; like what she would like to do to him. He did not really participate in that but he did not stop her either and asked me after I complained with what right I deserve her respect as his wife? (I explained that in the last blog)

I was furious and angry and lost my temper right there, which was nothing nice.

In the meantime something started to blossom that kind of crept up like a tender reed, very shyly, but persistent in the midst of all that ugliness and craziness my marriage and the world had to offer.

Today’s sixty is the new forty and I never thought about age, when I broke it off with my husband, but I thought of feeling free, finding happiness and love and breathing a hell a lot easier again.

So here I am now – stripped of all pretending, going through hell, because I miss my woodworking witch so badly and want to go home to be with him forever, enduring the bullshit my still husband is giving me on a daily base and saying goodbye to my past.

It was a good past at times with glorious moments and I have fond memories of many things, especially where my music is concerned, but I am breaking free from a prison and a make believe world, in which I would have suffocated sooner or later, because my soul was already dead and I did not know it.

I pray to the father, the son and the holy ghost, as well as the Gods and Goddesses of all other traditions to release me soon from this prison and hell and give me the opportunity to be their vessel along with my sweet woodworking witch, who also is a God fearing man, with different beliefs.

We are one in our thinking, our feelings, our everyday lives and the way we do things. We spend at least twelve hours per day together in face time and it almost is as if we are already living together with only one difference – which is 8000 miles between us.

Can a digital love survive? You bet it can and I will keep you updated on how our story continues. Right now it is what it is, but these big emotions and this wonderful love between us is not of this world and what Gods have put together, no man shall ever destroy. It is beautiful and we both are so deeply in love with each other like neither of us have ever been.There will be a day soon, where we will be together forever.

Namaste from Thailand, my dear ones …

And How Was Your Day?

The Fabricators In Love And The Higher Realm 2

– The Saga continues – Mastering problems –

What all are you willing to go through in the name of love?

How deeply can you fall in love?

How do you know without ever having taken that test ride, if the horse is the right one?

How much can you endure in the name of love?

Can a Cyber love survive?

For My Woodworking Witch

Let us be honest. We know the nose knows first when we fall for someone, because it is not the looks, but the body chemistry that attracts us to each other and in our subconscious mind, we know before the eyes have met.

I heard men say: I looked in her eyes and I was in love – BULLSHIT.

I heard women say: His hands look so gentle – BULLSHIT.

Men will always look at tits and ass first before they even get to the eyes. Ask a man that states: “I looked at her eyes,” what color they were and nine out of ten cannot answer that.

Women will say: “Well I looked at his face and hands and they looked so gentle.” Yeah okay, I got your number, sister.

I am a woman too and I look at the ass first and it has to be nicely and well rounded to make me look at the rest of the man.

But still, the nose always knows first before that first exchange of checking each other out.

So, thinking about my own situation, I remember checking my soon to be ex out the same way 17 years ago and it seemed to fit, or at least it did for a while.

Now here is why we did not work out.

First of all, we are from two different worlds. Our worlds seemed to clash a lot, because his world just did not understand mine and kept drilling holes until my world got tired of being spit on.

When the sex is alright, you can pretend for a while that all is well, but when that starts being a problem too due to it turning mechanical and letting the 9-5 days in and starting to neglect, or he starts talking to his exes and is friendlier to them than to you, then there really is no point in staying together any longer.

So you start being the man and the woman of the household, because that too has become unimportant to him, and then ask yourself where your sanity and happiness went, just to find out, there is none left.

Then the depression settles in, you start to cry for no obvious reasons – a lot – and just want to be held by someone that tells you it will all be alright, just to find out, there is no one. In my case I turned to animals and substituted, but that was not the key to my happiness either.

I reminded myself on the movie – Run, Lola, Run, because I seemed to have ran away all of my life. Not this time! I tried to explain and rescue what was left of my marriage just to be pushed away by stupid comments and downright insults and being belittled. So I just stopped talking. He did not even realize that I said years ago, if I stop talking about what bothers me and become really quiet, it is a sign that it is going to be over. I did that for over two years and it still did not change.

Living a Wicca lifestyle, because of my beliefs, I should have continued my magical works, but my mindset was off, so I could not even do that right anymore. I fell in a very deep hole of depression, but no one noticed, because I covered it well.

I went into nature and cried almost daily at least once for no apparent reason, but I would have been damned to cry in front of him, because the one time I did try to rescue what was left of my relationship, I was told to call someone who cares and to quit whining. So I did !!!!

I kept doing what I was doing, working as a teacher, writing and recording my songs as I was in the mood and kept slowly dying off more and more on the inside. And still no one noticed.

At my age, I had given up on ever being with my dream man, that would sweep me off my feet and just love me for who I am, and I came to terms that my marriage is not going to change and I was just stuck in my situation.

As I was going to try a bit harder to get closer, a miracle happened to rescue me. It did not look like that at first, but in the end it is what freed me.

One of his ex’s, who he had a sexual relationship with before my time and over 15 years ago, decided out of the blue to write to him. Oh yeah, he told me about it and I said I do not care, which I really did not. She posed no threat and definitely not 19000 km away.

I could read the conversations and it was just a bunch of blah blah – until one day when she wanted a picture. If a man goes out and turns himself into Darth Vader with fiery eyes and a tag: I’ve got the juice(!) my alarm bells will start to go off. I sided with him, so he thought and actually followed the conversations and he felt free as a bird to talk to her. After all, his wife knew about it. I sent gifs matching her statements, and he felt easy as a pea in the pod. He actually admitted after what she did to him long ago, he loved her graveling attention. Little did he know that this was a test from my side and I took that opportunity to see how far he would take this!

She started to talk freely and became looser and I started to fight with him about her. His statement was: With what right do you deserve respect from her? Do you think a marriage license gives you that right? I went off on his ass, after having two cocktails. The day came where she shared her sexual fantasy with him about what she would love to do to him, and even though he never really gave in to her, he did not stop her either.

Something broke inside me and for me, it was over right then and there. Now I am far from perfect and can be pretty difficult at times, and I may do many things, but cheating is not one of them. To me, cheating starts with a thought and if you did not stop someone’s fantasy about you, you already cheated.

Now he did not get my point at all and still does not understand why I broke it all off, but you see, it was a slow and growing process over years. SHE was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

It did not take very long and my miracle started for me, after praying for months and years for someone to enter my life, that is my equal, my match, my lover, best friend, playmate and my beginning and end. Does such a person exist? I started to doubt it, because the kind of love I was looking for all of my life, was the kind you find in romance novels and 50 cent stories.

Well guess what? As I already stated in part 1, such a man does exist and I firmly believe it was the God(s), who put us together, because we are the same – twin flames, soul mates and we are meant to be one. Even though we are still 8000 miles apart, we spend at least 12 hours together in face time daily with only breaking it off when he or I sleep.

He is everything I ever wanted in a man and so much more, I have to pinch myself at times to make sure this is real. We will be together physically really soon, and he not only embraces me, but my 20 animals as well and THAT is a rarity. This is one man, I am keeping and making damn sure he is happy. I do love my woodworking witch more than anything in the world and other than our beliefs, we share everything else the same as well.

This story will progress and continue and it will have a very happy end, because we both are working towards that. Two damaged souls have found each other and became one in a love, that is unique, hard to describe and for many not to understand. We have the realm and we have us for now, but when there is a big lightning across the sky some day soon, you will know that the whispering witch and the woodworking witch finally united forever and always. Namaste from Thailand )0(

And how was Your day?